As I look out the window of my bedroom, I replay memories over and over in my head. Some of them are happy, nice, and others make me cringe, put myself on the verge of tears. Of course, the mind works in funny ways, I can’t control what memories come to mind. Like commercials on the television, you never know what will come next, until it’s there, raw and painful.
But I couldn’t think of the past now. The truth was too overwhelming. I had a whole life to look forward to.
I could here the floorboards creak outside my door, and I knew my grandfather was coming, I straightened myself out on my bed, and jammed my iPod headphones in my ears, trying to appear I had been busy, rather than dwelling on the past.
Sure enough, the door handle twisted, and in stepped the face of an aged man, about sixty, with droopy cheeks and dull eyes. Old people could be so… .boring looking.
“What you up to, girl?” he said, a smile on his face. I hated that smile. Always there, even when it shouldn’t be. I held up my iPod as a gesture.
“Fancy music machines,” he muttered. “Don’t know a thing about ‘em!”
I just nodded. I despised these conversations between me and Grandpa. Long and meaningless, without getting anything out of them. I stared willingly at my iPod screen, it was still off, no music coursing through the headphones, but I kept thinking Grandpa would go away if it looked like I was busy.
I was wrong.
“So you and I should do something today,” he nudged my arm. “They’re having a fish fry over at the fire department--”
“No, Gramps. I…. have plans.”
Boy, that was a good one. It didn’t take a moron to know that I didn’t have a friend in the world. I was the ‘weird kid’ that no one talked to, the girl in the corner of the room that no one gives a notice in the world. Grandpa knew all of this, but he was nice, so he said, “Well that’s great! What are you doing?” At this point, I didn’t know if he was really being nice or just mocking me.
“Uh, some girl from school.”
“Err….” I paused a moment. “Rachel. Rachel Cummings.”
“Rachel’s a nice name.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“What are you two wild girls gonna do?” Yes. Wild indeed, I was. Talk about your eye roll statement.
“I dunno. Just hang around, I guess.”
“How long you known each other?”
I sat up in my bed and ripped the headphones out of my ears. “What’s with the twenty questions? Jeez…”
“I was just asking. It’s not everyday you go to hang out with a… friend.”
I didn’t reply. I placed the headphones back in my ears, and pretended to listen to music. I think Grandpa finally understood I wanted to be left alone, because he got up and made his way toward the door. Before he left, he looked over at me, and said, “You know, you look just like your mother.”
At that, I looked up at him, blankly, trying not to show emotion about what he just said. Mom had been dead for two years now, why did he always have to pop her back in the picture? No one really cares that I’m trying to forget. Trying to move on, so people will stop thinking I’m nuts.
Grandpa gave me one last dreaded smile, and walked out the door.
Now all that was on my mind was how I was going to pull over my having plans for this afternoon.